..almost there. I feel like I’m on the verge of some good things happening. I’m really tired of the lifestyle that was required to be depressed. Lol. It’s nice having time to learn about radio and computers, but that’s all I’m doing. I have no piano, no serious recording capabilities, and I don’t write music. I need that. I also feel like I need to push myself by going on with my education. I’ve become idle, and it’s no good. I need to do this on my own, though. I appreciate so much people who will talk with me when I want to, and leave me be when I don’t. I like saying that I did it for myself.

Lately, I feel more and more like a criminal. Whenever I am out in public, I have been feeling that I need to be aware of keeping my firearm concealed, and that people are noticing and calling the police after I leave. I feel like if I were stopped by an officer, that he would be suspicious of me, because almost all encounters I’ve had with law enforcement (very numerous) show this to be true. They turn you into a criminal, literally, by charging you with something, maybe just because they want to. I feel labeled as someone who has intent to break the law, simply for carrying a firearm. Constantly feeling this opposition to the police is wearing on my mind in strange ways. I find myself wondering about criminal acts, and why people do them. I wonder what would happen if I needed to defend myself, and shot someone. I would more than likely, initially be treated like a criminal. Placed in to “custody” or “detainment,” in handcuffs, weapon confiscated, my “character” judged… It scares me to think about the things that can simply go wrong in a situation. It’s an interesting thing to observe and study, even if it has happened directly to me in most of these cases. Hopefully, I’m not losing my mind.